he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
