I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
