Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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