We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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