It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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