Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
