I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
