Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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