Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
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You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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