I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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