I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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