If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
