Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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