He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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