how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need water and some morals
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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