We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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