So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
