she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sorry about my life...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
