You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you never un-have a 4some
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
