How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
