I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
