I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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