girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
