got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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