how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
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You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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