I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
