you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
