he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
