I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
