I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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