HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
