Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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