He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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