id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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