I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
