you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
