Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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