K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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