On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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