Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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