I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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