I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
