My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
