Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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