i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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