the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
