Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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