booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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