Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
