stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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