sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
