I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
