I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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