worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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