Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
