My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
