U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
