Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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