just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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