i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
