but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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