If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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