dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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