she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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