When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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