I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
