I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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