i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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