Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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