he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
