once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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