I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
