he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Life is so much better after having sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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