I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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