Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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