Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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