That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just googled if crying burns calories
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
