A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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