is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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