I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
